Ok, so I just got back from Las Vegas. I was out there for a few weeks promoting my new book 'The Art of Rape' (In all good bookstores Monday 22nd) and Generally larking about.
I spent the first few days doing the usually touristy things, Gambling, walking down the strip for a while, gambling, looking at the fountains, gambling, seeing some shows, gambling, seeing if the hooker can actually ping ping pong balls from her special place, gambling. You know, the usual stuff. By mid week I got bored of gambling, so I went to a cocktail bar and you know, you drink enough cocktails and do enough Meth you'll end up with a hooker pouring drinks for a pair of goats while 'Elvis' acts out his own death in your hotel bathroom and a reverend dressed as Jesus weds you and Boba Fett. And it's fucking expensive.

Anyways, the next few days were a bit of a blur, I remember Boba and I in a helicopter and a ginger cat, thats about it.

So return day arrives and I'm laying naked on the hotel room floor, well I say naked I had a sock on and a Coconut bra which wasn't exactly covering up the necessary parts, Boba is sitting in the shower singing "I will survive' to a rubber duck and our reverend, for some reason, is still in our Hotel room and reading The Bible. I get up, wrap a towel around myself and dimissed Jesus The Reverend. Walking into the bathroom, Boba quickly stands up and throws the rubber duck out of the window, something I still don't understand. I mentioned that I was going back home and he stared at me blankly, got out the shower and started packing my case for me.

I had a quick shower and when I went to check what Boba was doing, he was gone. The Hotel room was immaculately clean and tidy, all the bottles, cake tins, condoms and needles were gone, the Mini bar was re-stocked and The pink love heart rug re-appeared. It was like I had dreamed the whole thing.

*Blah blah blah something about flying*


Got home, opened my suitcase and Boba was sitting there surrounded by needles, had eaten all the cake and drunk all the booze, singing to the same rubber duck.

Don't ever tell me what happenes in Vegas... Stays in Vegas